Brain Spill

i've been doing a lot of reading/thinking about HcG. This is my brain spilling onto the paper. it's mainly written for me, but i thought it wouldn't hurt to post it here.

i am trying to decide if right now is a good time to begin the hcg diet. dallin, my 14 month old still nurses, which i'm not sure i want to give up just yet. i love being connected to him. i think he'd be fine with weening luckily. i am, however ready to be thin. it's been a long time. i want my body to work properly and to be in pain less. i want to be able to do the things that other women can
do at my exercise class like do the "step up on a chair exercise." it would be really nice if my feet were in less pain. i don't want to be lethargic anymore.


from what i've read, i am feeling confident that this diet will work for me. everything i read about pregnancy and obesity really resonated with me. i feel better about my body and have no worries about weight and food more than at any other time in my life. hmph...now that i think about it, maybe i should just get pregnant with our fourth. i could start a very low calorie diet then and it would cost nothing for the hormone. ;0) i'm sort of kidding about that, but am
sort of not. the thought of actively trying to loose weight while pregnant goes against everything i've ever learned. all i know is that the more i read and hear testimonials, the more i'm ready to begin. i'm thinking about just starting on phase 2 considering my regular diet is reasonable right now. another nice thing is that my husband patrick who only has 20 lbs to loose is going to do it
with me. he is 230lbs and i am 272. oh my. that's a large number. painfully large. right now as i think, my stomach is lapping over my legs as i sit in this chair. i've stayed in the 250 to 270 range for 8 years now, but lately i feel especially bloated. it's a horrible feeling.

some reservations i have are mainly regarding psychological things relating to my weight. i don't want to, but i have a hang up in my mind where i am very fearful of gaining weight back....like i have in the past. the lowest i've gotten to is 240is in the past 8 years. it feels better there, but quickly i'm back up in the 260's again. that's discouraging. many times i actually feel a lot better than I look. Not right now.

i think my goal is to weight 175. Wow! that's 95 pounds to loose! i think the last time i weighed 175 was in jr. high! is that a reasonable weight for me? i want to loose weight for me. not for the approval of others. i don't really want to be praised for being skinny. i want to be accepted as i am, obese or not. i want to be healthy and live an active lifestyle and be able to go on long hikes
with patrick. i want to run around with my kids and be able to play volleyball with ease and mobility.

i know/sincerely hope this plan will help me. i have never taken something to help me loose weight in my life. i have tried strict diets and lost small amounts which i easily gain back. i don't like to put potentially harmful things into my body. i like my body on hcg while i'm pregnant. i hope it works while i'm not!!! ;) now, when to order, and what day to start!? as it is, if i do the
6 week plan it will run into Thanksgiving. well, if things are working for me, i will have something to be especially thankful for!!!!

my history.

This is a survey I completed to be part of a weight loss study. I completed it 9 months ago, but it is still very much the way I feel about my weight, so I included it on this blog.

It's pretty much my background history.

If anyone cares to know.

:)

Here goes.

Name: Julie

Location: (Las Vegas area)
Age: 31

Ethnic background: White of European Decent

Height: 5'7.5

Weight: 270

Medical history: No major issues have been discovered.

Present medical problems & ailments: My main medical problem is obesity. I've been dealing with weight problems since high school. I was 200 lbs but still played school sports. In college and as a teacher I gained 50 lbs. over the course of 10 years. When I got married at 24, I weighed 255. I'm only 5 pounds heavier 7 years later, but I'm starting to FEEL LIKE CRAP! My desires to eat well [whatever that means] are increasing because my energy levels are plummeting, I feel like I am constantly sick, my body is aching WAY more than usual, I am noticing skin abnormalities/eczema, I have intense heel pain which is caused by exercising and by my weight no doubt, I have constant post-nasal drip and have recently developed allergies to who knows what. That's what I'm trying to figure out! I feel that my immune system is compromised in some way. Oh....and my 5 year old whom I really make efforts to feed healthy food and teaching about food choices is asking me why I am so fat!

Basically, I have no diagnosed medical conditions, I just feel that my health is decreasing drastically in that past few years. I want to avoid more serious problems that may be heading my way.

Medications taken daily: NONE. I really try to avoid medication if at all possible. If I have a headache, I just deal with it. If I'm having a baby...I let my body take care of that on it's own without any medication. If I have a cold....neti pot. I've taken only 1 anti-biotic in ten years (and i had no other choice!) I don't like to cover up symptoms!

Describe your diet: I consider myself to eat healthier food than a huge amount of the population. I am CONSTANTLY searching for the right way to eat, especially now that I have children and want to feed them well. When we got married my husband weighed 260. Now he is 220. I feed him mostly healthy food and It has helped him. I cook with very little meat. If I do cook with meat I might put 4 oz. in chili I'm feeding my whole family. We cook only brown rice. I only bake with fresh ground whole wheat and turbino sugar. We don't eat much soy. I justify eating organic corn product. We eat eggs....but they are cage free. My kids and I don't drink milk, but my husband does and he cooks with it sometimes so I get it here and there. I do eat too much cheese, but it's whole, not processed. I try to eat vegis often and buy organic if I can. I eat WAY TOO MUCH BUTTER. I love butter. I know I should eat coconut or olive oil instead.

Basically, I only bring whole foods into our home...away from home is a whole different story.

Name your favorite foods and how often you eat them: I crave and enjoy junk food but never buy it myself. I get it when I go to parties, visit my parents, shop at Costco and anywhere I can get my hands on it. I really do enjoy healthy food, I'm just weak when I have free unhealthy food placed in front of me. I can't justify eating much fast food, but if I do, I love El Pollo Loco and In N Out. For the past 3 weeks I've been eating little Taco Al Carbon's 3 times a week. It's like a snack. Then, on Thursday, I had 5 for dinner, with this creamy cilantro dressing that I'm SURE has loads of MSG in it. I don't feel like I have much self control right now. Sometimes I do.

What are the worst foods you crave? Bad stuff. Anything with MSG, anything refined, anything fried, anything with sugar, corn products, pepperoni, salty meat.

How many times have you tried to lose weight? Uhhhh.....like, my whole entire life!

How? Never pills, just TRYING to eat healthy. Basically trying to follow whatever ideas I hear of at any certain time. In high school it was high-carb, low fat. In college it was high fat, low carbs. I've been on Weight Watchers and failed miserably. I lost no weight, I just lost my money (and another piece of my self respect.) I followed The Fat Flush (which I lost 15 LBS on over a long period of time, but I gained it back.) I try to follow principles I learned in a book called the PH MIRACLE. It's big on eating LOTS of vegis. I'm weak sometimes though and end up not following it very long.

Why should we choose you for this program? I have a strong desire to really learn and be healthy! I feel like healthy lifestyle and understanding is progressing but I could really benefit from some support and accountability. I am worried that what I am trying to do now to eat healthy is not enough! I wonder why I am so overweight, even if I am eating healthy food. I really feel that I was led to your program. My husband's co-worker gave him a DVD that you spoke on called Healing Cancer. It reaffirmed much of what I am beginning to think and believe about health and wellness. I don't have real cancer, but I feel my body is starting to not function properly and I want to figure out why, and I really believe that your philosophy and study would help me a lot!

If I was selected, I would be willing to feed my family like this too....but my husband might just stop by del taco every night before coming home.
If I am not a good candidate, would you PLEASE contact me and let me know why.
This sounds like a wonderful study that I would love to be a part of.

Sincerely, Julie