I'm amazed. It's working, just like I hoped it would. The last couple of mornings I've braced myself for a stall, but so far, the pounds keep dropping. I'm sooo ready to get rid of weight that only brings heart ache. Heart ache that I've really tried not to think of because it was no use. Many, many moons ago I decided. This is just the way I am. I remember feeling helpless even 10 years ago. I have always been when it comes to going to workout. I've had a consistent habit since I was in high school. I would workout like crazy, and it felt good. In my early college years when I worked at the Athletic Club, I remember a trainer asking me what my weight loss goals were. I replied that I didn't have any, and that I just wanted to work out for the rest of my life. I didn't want to have a goal of pounds to loose because I didn't want to face the disappointment of not being able to achieve it. Ten or more years have passed by and for the most part, I've held the same belief. I had no desire to set myself up for failure. I would try a very strict diet here and there, but I could NEVER convince myself to have a goal weight because I never could imagine it coming to pass. I would just say my mantra, "do the best with what you've got." That's all I could say to myself to deal with feeling out of control about my weight. And I really like being IN control.
It was always so frustrating to try and loose a small amount of weight while exerting a huge amount of effort and then gain it all back when I stopped the diet. I just decided to accept me the way I was and be successful, happy, productive, healthy, and kind.....even IF I wore size 24 jeans! I accepted me, but always in the back of my mind I would hope for something better. I would wonder if people would treat me different if I wasn't obese, but then again, ultimately it didn't matter what other people thought about me. What really mattered was how I felt in my own skin, and for the past couple of years I have not enjoyed being in my own skin. I would say to myself, my body is just stuck between 250 and 270 lbs. I didn't know what else to think, so I just accepted what I could not change.
My body in it's heavy state holds me back from doing what I as a person want to be doing. Fat makes me uncomfortable, but I chose to embrace it, until I found hCG. It brings tears to my eyes to know that I will be able to loose weight and actually set a goal and be able to achieve it. That is such a huge comfort to me. Being on this protocol has been a huge success so far, and I know that it will continue to be a success for me. I'm excited to feel good inside my own body. I like me. It will be nice to like what I see when I look at an upstaged photograph. I was just looking at pictures of me from Halloween, and it wasn't pretty. I'm just glad that the pictures will tell a different story as I progress on this journey.
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